Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Today, I am a Woman

Happy 4th of July!

Tonight, the Grige and I are going on a very fancy cruise on the Potomac to watch the fireworks. It's my first (and probably only) Independence day in D.C., since the crowds are so bad, I usually skip town. I'm really excited - this is definitely the only way to do DC on this holiday, and I've never had the funds. Fortunately, Chad's Aunt's got us these amazing tickets as a wedding gift, so I get to live the high life tonight!

Seriously, just thinking of this cruise got me through all my extremely stabby episodes on the metro yesterday. I understand that people want to visit their nation's capitol. It's beautiful, and they should see all it has to offer. However, stay off the f*cking metro during rush hour. And if you must ride, stand right, walk left, and keep your kids the hell out of my way if you value their lives. K? Thanks. PSA over.

So, our fancy cruise tonight gave me the perfect opportunity to try out my newly acquired wedding makeup skills. I also have a few very lady-like tips for preparing for a fabulous evening:

Photo: This is what a wedding makeup trial run looks like. Step 1: booze
Makeup + Wine

1. Spend the whole day battling dust bunnies under your bed while you try to pack up your very small apartment. Wonder how the hell that much crap fit under your bed.

2. Shower. You are covered in dust bunnies.

3. Demand that your handsome fiance press your cocktail dress for you. You are crap with an iron, and he knows it. Revel in the fact that it took him longer to press your dress than it took you to apply 30 lbs. of makeup.

4. Laugh at your fiance when he cannot figure out the pleats on the dress. And takes that failure really, really seriously.

5. Pour yourself a rocktail

6. Clean the toothpaste crap off your mirror.

7. Apply concealer, foundation, blush, bronzer, eyeshadow, eyeliner, eyebrow filler, eyebrow holder gel, mascara and lipstick. That wasn't so bad, was it? Sip your rocktail in between each application.

8. Blow a fuse while you try to blow dry your hair. Discover that the refrigerator in the kitchen and the hairdryer in the bathroom are on the same fuse. Wonder why. Realize you are only learning this after 2 years in this apartment because you never blowdry your hair. Be glad you are moving.

9. Ask your husband to be if he would marry this face. Kiss your lipstick off all over his face when he says yes.

10. Re-fill your rocktail and sit around in your underwear until it's time to leave. Today, you are a woman.

11. (optional) make yourselves late while you write a blog post about it. Get yelled at.


1 comment: