Hunger Like a Runner

I never believed all of the people who used to say that they could eat whatever they wanted because of their running schedule. In fact, as a slightly sub-athletic person, I don’t think I have ever in my life experienced a legit increase in biological eating cues as a result of exercise. I have an unbelievably emotional relationship with food, and as a result, I am in the habit of pretty much always restricting my impulses to eat. My natural assumption is that I’m not actually hungry and start looking for the “real” problem – stress, anxiety, sadness, or PMS – before grabbing a fork.

And then, three weeks ago, my relationship with food turned upside down. To understand how crazy this experience was for me, you have to first understand that I hate pasta. I never ate mac & cheese as a kid, I abhor spaghetti (I take my meatballs and red sauce with toast), I’ve spent extended time in Italy and never once ordered a pasta dish.  And then I woke up one morning three weeks ago literally salivating at the thought of penne topped with spicy sausage ragu. I swear to you, I was 100% convinced I was pregnant, until three days later it became apparent that wasn’t the case. But I was still craving pasta, and had started waking up around 5 am with my stomach rumbling and visions of French toast with a side of eggs benedict dancing in my head.

From the January issue of Bon Apetit. Get thee to a kitchen and make this IMMEDIATELY

I made the mistake of assuming that my caloric needs wouldn’t change with training because I had always done 3 mile runs a few times a week. If there was a change, I assumed I would respond to it naturally by incorporating slightly larger servings or by having a snack. As it turns out, running 10-12 miles a week is WAAAAAAAY different than running 20-30 miles a week. Shouldn’t have been a shocker, but it totally was for me. The cravings started when I crossed the 20 miles/week threshold, and no mere “snack” is going to solve the problem. My body is begging me for carbs, and I have to find a way to put aside 20 years of firm resolve against that urge. It’s way harder than I ever imagined.

When you are an emotional eater, re-wiring yourself to respond to your body’s biological cues without feeling guilty all the time is a heavy process. Luckily, the Grige has lots of experience with treating food as fuel, and stands ready to make reservations at Italian restaurants and tell me how good I look when I’m shoveling noodles into my mouth like I may never eat again. What I really notice now is how much media noise there is out there about “healthy choices”, carbs and what women “should” eat (hello, subversively guilt inducing Yoplait commercials!). Did you know that according to available messaging, it is NEVER okay to eat pizza and pie, and that I should feel guilty every single time? Did you know there is a war on bagels???

Clearly, our country has a problem with weight, and much of that could be attributed to the overabundance of convenient, high calorie, low quality foods. But are we going too far in the other direction? Is there any sane reason why a young woman in her ideal BMI range running 20-30 miles a week should feel guilty about eating a giant, juicy burger with the bun still on it? Why do I feel the need to compulsively explain to the waiter that I’m training for a half marathon?

So here is the challenge – I’m going to eat like a runner (because I am one) and I’m not going to apologize for it. I’m going to proudly stuff my face with gnocchi, I’m going to have seconds, and yes, I will have another roll with that, thank you very much. Hopefully, I’ll find my way to a cultural space where other women wake up every morning as excited about breakfast as I do.

Life List Fail, and Accompanying Silver Lining

It's time to cross another item off the life list, but not in the usual way. This time, it will be because I will never be able to accomplish it.

I got my current (and first!) passport when I was 16. I got it for a trip to Italy with my AP European History class, where I became so enamored with traveling that I have made it out of the country at least once a year every year since then, with the exception of 2012 (we got married, I figured that's enough to let myself off the hook for a year).

Italian festivals

2004 - Germany and Italy
2005 - Virgin Island
2006 - Italy (again)
2007 - Mexico
2008 - Canada
2009 - Costa Rica
2010 - Hong Kong, Singapore, Thailand and Indonesia
2011 - Spain and Morocco
2012 -
2013 - Wait for it.....

So my passport and I, with the photograph of my broody 16-year-old self, have seen a lot of places. In fact, we've been to every continent, with the exception of South America. And so I made the not-overly-ambitious-at-the-time life list item to get every continent in that passport.

Costa Rican beaches

And then I got married. And changed my name. Emily Fisk has never traveled anywhere, and after much thought and deliberation, she's not going to start this year.

Now, those of you deeply familiar with foreign travel and able to count are probably already aware that my dear passport is about to expire anyway. So when Chad and I decided to take a honeymoon this year, I decided that it would be Emily Fraker's last ride, and I'd say farewell to my passport in style.

The only thing left to do was convince the Grige that we should go to South America and my goal would be complete! Success! Except no - because an arbitrary goal is not really a good basis for planning your honeymoon. Pesky things like flight costs, where your husband actually wants to go, safety and timing actually play in quite a bit.

So, we are not going to South America, ergo, I will not be able to check this item off my list. However, we ARE going to GREECE! For which I am so unbelievably excited I can hardly stand it. Neither of us have ever been there, and there will be lots of history for me, architecture for the Grige, beaches and adventure aplenty for both of us! In the grand scheme, I'm still getting out of the country and can hardly complain. Silver linings FTW!

Noms in Morocco

For the record, I can't recommend planning a honeymoon after the wedding is over highly enough. It has been so very fun to spend tons of time and energy researching the trip, which is something we never would have been able to do while planning the wedding at the same time. We will also have lots of energy and mental space to enjoy the trip. If we had gone right after the wedding, we would have been so busy processing the enormity of that day it would have been hard to take in a new country. To be clear, you should definitely take some quiet time alone after your wedding, but save the big crazy trip for after you've had some time to process.

So... This Happened....

IN A PLACE WHERE I LIVE.

The BEST Disney Wedding EvAR!

You GUYS. Her dad wore a King Triton crown and carried a trident. 

But wait, there's MORE! Here is the photographer's website:
http://shariphotography.blogspot.com/2013/02/the-greatest-disney-wedding-ever.html

I'm not going to re-post the photos, because I know how important blog traffic can be to photographers.  Also, I don't have time because I have to go find these people so that we can be friends.

But seriously, go LOOK at these photos.

Different

I've spend a lot of time in the last few months thinking about what is different, since we got married. I haven't been able to put my finger on what, but something is, for sure. And then I realized! there isn't just one thing, there are a lot of them.

One of the biggest/hardest is to figure out who we are in public. I know marriage is supposed to be this big proclamation where we declare ourselves "one" in front of God, our families and our friends. But navigating that disposition in the real world is not quite as easy as you might imagine.

Photo: Summer Jean Photography

For one, being introduced as someone's wife adds about 10 years to you. When your brand-spanking-new husband introduces you to a bunch of 23 year-olds who have never known life outside of school, you can feel kind of like you belong in a museum with other relics of the 1950's. And then, you have to figure out when it's appropriate to attend school and work events with each other.

For instance, the Grige is in grad school, for which there are a myriad of events. We hosted his studio section + professors for a dinner last semester. Naturally, I attended that. It was in my home. I cleaned for it. But it was awkward. I felt extremely out of place. I got the same impression when I brought him to a happy hour with co-workers at my new job. It's not that people were rude or mean, it's just that it felt wrong....

 So how do we navigate this? How do we figure out how to be a married couple, at this age, in a new city? We got into this new life together, and we've been leaning on each other to make friends. This problem is 100% unanticipated.

Photo: Summer Jean Photography

I'm sure that, as we get older, more and more of our peers will get married and this will get easier. I mean, my parents do things apart from one another all the time: my Dad is in the banjo club, my Mom has a ladies bridge group. But everyone kind of expects them to be together the rest of the time. Just like the Grige and I like to be. I'm fine doing things apart from the Grige. However, we need some sort of social protocol for the meantime. So really? How do you figure out how to be "one" when you are actually two? Where do we fit in each other's lives?

It's not an easy riddle to solve, but it is definitely a key component of all the differences that we're facing post-nuptials.

What has two thumbs....

and just ran a training 5k in 26:02?

This Guy.

Cold + Dark = pure awesome.

That is all.

They have my money now....

So there's no backing out. I registered for the Go! St. Louis half marathon last night. If it goes well, I may aim to keep on for a full marathon this summer (I'm thinking Charlevoix, MI on June 22... but that's very hypothetical). I think my big mistakes my last time (besides being too overwhelmed with moving/wedding to stick to training), were that I:

1. Bit off more than I could chew. I came off an excellent 10K and went straight on to slay a dragon. I think I wanted something to take my mind off wedding planning and moving, and I grasped at a barely attainable goal.

2. Did not schedule any training races. I made it up to my 12 mile long run, and I should have thrown in a half marathon after that so that I had something to look forward too.

So this time, I'm going for the half marathon first, and will sign up for the marathon as training progresses and I get a better sense of my summer calendar. But FIRST:

New shoes.

This color is a testament to the fact that I will endure anything for 20% off. They are an extremely comfortable pair of Brooks Pure runners, and I absolutely HATE this color. I asked if they came in a less offensive shade, and the very kind sales guy explained that he could sell me these for 20% off since the new colors were all next years models. Obviously, I bought them.

And now, I will politely try to plug our new local running store, the Missouri Running Company. I've always been committed to buying from a local running store. However, I really wavered this time. Amazon Prime is so convenient, and being in a new city is so hard (at least for me). I've had a good (but not great) relationship with the Adams Morgan Fleet Feet in DC. They always try to put me in some super-stabilizer geriatric shoes that are so heavy they clunk against my ankles when I run. Not so at MRC - the sales man reviewed my stride, complimented me, and recommended a few shoes to try. As I tried them out, he continued to review my stride and gave me tips for making small tweaks to improve. It was a truly fantastic and positive experience and I'm so very glad that I pushed out of my comfort zone and gave this place a try. They definitely have a customer in me for as long as we're in STL. 

So I'm off and running - they were great on my 3.5 mile tempo run this afternoon, even though the post-wind chill temp was in the low teens. I'm raising my glass of orange juice to a great, fresh start.

New Year: New Goals

Like every other person on the planet, I approach the new year as a fresh start. I review my life list, think about the things in my life that I'm not loving and try to find ways to change them. Since starting a new job and saying goodbye to my childhood home as I helped my parents move was enough to be going on with for the first part of this month, I'm just getting started now.

Our Beautiful Home, I miss it already.
Photo: Summer Jean Photography

For those who care, the new job is going great, I definitely made the right decision. I'm being challenged enough to stay motivated, I like the company and the nature of my work and am genuinely excited about my career for the first time in a long while. I will continue to leave my professional life outside the scope of this blog, but I think that our work sets the tone for a lot of other things in our lives. So it's worth addressing that mine is keeping me very busy, but also very happy right now.

2012 was a pretty darn big year for me, so I'm looking forward to 2013 as a chance to focus on all the little stuff that slowly got away from me last year. More specifically: my health. Which isn't to say that I did a bad job last year, I started training for a marathon, I discovered (and promptly fell in love with) yoga, and tried the Clean diet. Unfortunately, somewhere in the mess of moving, marrying, living apart for 2 months, unemployment, and the strain of the Grige's extremely intense first semester, all of that fell apart... without me really noticing.

So healthy goals are taking the lead for 2013. Especially with work being busy, it's important to be realistic. I've divided my approach into three categories: Diet, Exercise and Mental Wellness.

Diet
With realism in mind, I'm not going to try any crazy juice diets this time. I'll be practicing BPP or Balance, Preparation and Portion control. I'll achieve Balance by using a phone application that calculates calories to balance my diet with my exercise. I'll also be aiming for meals that hit all my major food groups. Preparation will likely be the most important part of my plan. I've set my weekly shopping day for very early on Sunday mornings. I'll then dedicate the rest of the morning to preparing meals for the week, so all I have to do is grab them out of the fridge. I'm also spending the extra $ to keep a stash of clif bars and smoothies on hand for quick energy. Keeping our fridge stocked with easy meals will help me stay on track. Portion Control is the tough part, especially after exercising. I've bought smaller tupperware containers for lunches, but I've also bought some small bowls and plates to keep me in the right mind frame when I eat at home too.

Exercise
My exercise goals for this year are all about figuring out what works in real life. Rather than bogging myself down in one big goal (like a marathon) I'm sprinkling things around a little bit. I'm still looking for a yoga home, but I'm hoping to add to my home practice by finding a studio I'd like to attend 2-3 times a week. In addition, I'm planning to fit in cardio 4-5 times a week. I'd like to combine running and swimming to keep things interesting. Finally, I purchased Jillian Michaels 30 day shred for a high impact start to my routine. I know it will keep me motivated to see great results early on, and from what I've heard, this will give me the boost I need to feel strong in my training. Accountability and planning will be the most important parts of my plan. To hit both of these elements, I'm signing up for the Go! St. Louis half marathon in April. I was running 1/2 marathon mileage when I dropped my marathon training last year, so I know it's within my reach.

Mental Health
The whole point of all of my health goals is to feel good about myself. So I'm not going to ignore the mental part. Having a job that I like and health goals to fill my time is a good start, but I think I need to reach a little farther than that. I'd like to make some friends here in STL, which is not something I usually do well. To narrow the scope, I'm hoping to find a running buddy as a start. I also hope to visit my friends a lot this year, I don't want to lose touch just because we've moved.

So those are my big goals for 2013. Certainly, I have metrics to back them all up, but those aren't really important out of context. I'm hoping to review my video series with results in both weight and inches lost, a'la www.healthytippingpoint.com, but we'll see if I have time or not.