Sunday, January 27, 2013


I've spend a lot of time in the last few months thinking about what is different, since we got married. I haven't been able to put my finger on what, but something is, for sure. And then I realized! there isn't just one thing, there are a lot of them.

One of the biggest/hardest is to figure out who we are in public. I know marriage is supposed to be this big proclamation where we declare ourselves "one" in front of God, our families and our friends. But navigating that disposition in the real world is not quite as easy as you might imagine.

Photo: Summer Jean Photography

For one, being introduced as someone's wife adds about 10 years to you. When your brand-spanking-new husband introduces you to a bunch of 23 year-olds who have never known life outside of school, you can feel kind of like you belong in a museum with other relics of the 1950's. And then, you have to figure out when it's appropriate to attend school and work events with each other.

For instance, the Grige is in grad school, for which there are a myriad of events. We hosted his studio section + professors for a dinner last semester. Naturally, I attended that. It was in my home. I cleaned for it. But it was awkward. I felt extremely out of place. I got the same impression when I brought him to a happy hour with co-workers at my new job. It's not that people were rude or mean, it's just that it felt wrong....

 So how do we navigate this? How do we figure out how to be a married couple, at this age, in a new city? We got into this new life together, and we've been leaning on each other to make friends. This problem is 100% unanticipated.

Photo: Summer Jean Photography

I'm sure that, as we get older, more and more of our peers will get married and this will get easier. I mean, my parents do things apart from one another all the time: my Dad is in the banjo club, my Mom has a ladies bridge group. But everyone kind of expects them to be together the rest of the time. Just like the Grige and I like to be. I'm fine doing things apart from the Grige. However, we need some sort of social protocol for the meantime. So really? How do you figure out how to be "one" when you are actually two? Where do we fit in each other's lives?

It's not an easy riddle to solve, but it is definitely a key component of all the differences that we're facing post-nuptials.

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